Modern Thrifting: Gen-Z Discovers Stealing Clothes From The Dryer

First they discovered vinyl. Then they discovered film cameras. Now, Gen-Z is coming for your freshly dried clothes.

Though commonly associated with ethical consumption and infographic-based philanthropy, Gen-Z has recently seen its do-gooder image falter under the weight of the modern economy. The exact spark for Zoomers’ kleptomaniacal tendencies remains unclear, but rapidly maturing brains may be to blame.

“I used to be on that wave of buying my own clothes, all by myself, using my mom’s Amex,” said Janette Bugs, 19, a local entitled brat whose Carhartt jacket makes up for her lack of personality. “But then I realized I could just take someone else’s socks from our apartment building’s communal dryer. It turns out most socks can fit most feet.”

When pressed on the matter, Zoomers admit that stealing clothes does make someone else worse-off, but insist that overall well-being is maintained or improved from a utilitarian standpoint. “If they really wanted that jacket, they wouldn’t have left it in the dryer,” noted Bugs as she hid in a laundry basket waiting for another Whirlpool to unlock.

Like many Gen-Z fads, this spring’s “Dryjacking” phase may wear off quickly. “I think as more dryjackers enter the market, it drives up competition,” analyzed Bugs. “Soon I’ll have to start stealing clothes before my neighbors even purchase them.”